maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
