Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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