the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize