It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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