Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
