like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
