you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
