so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
my sisters under your porch take her home
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
my being single is dangerous.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
