I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Randomize
