and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
