Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize