Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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