I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
bring money and cleavage
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
