He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
