Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Boobs are out for the taking
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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