dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
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