I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
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