I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Randomize
