1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
