Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
