i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
