what is it with giant penises always finding me
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
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I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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