She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
