It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
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do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
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