I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
