i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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