hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
