Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
