you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
