We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
