come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
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tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
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I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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