Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I wish you could order shots online.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
