Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I have aggressive nipples.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
