I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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