Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
