I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
