she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
...so i touched it.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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