my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
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