just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
