No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Randomize
