I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Randomize
