Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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