last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I can text with my tongue
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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