Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
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