It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
