Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize