You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
