after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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