You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
