Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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