do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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