That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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