tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
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