Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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