please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
