I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Two words: nipple clamps
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