Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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