I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
