No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
