My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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