Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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