You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
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