Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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