I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Best friends brother. Beat that.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
