i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Randomize
